I am his MOTHER

I’ve been having a lot of personal issues lately and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching. I’ve concluded that I take motherhood and parenting very seriously. Only because I’m a working mum and I don’t really get to splurge on time with my little one. And maybe because of this I get super sensitive. Like seriously sensitive. Like no one’s beeswax. Once in a while I get insecure on my parenting abilities. And I don’t appreciate it when people criticize my inexperienced and untested parenting skill and do things behind my back.

Adel is a hyper active baby. He cannot be still. He always has something on his mind and he’s on the move constantly. That’s not an issue to me but it does exhaust me sometimes. We normally (read: normally) strap him up in his car seat when we travel. But lately, since he’s getting a bit mature for his age, he wants out from the car seat. I do occasionally give in to his wants but would normally put him back in the car seat once he has had enough fun. This time around because we (with other people) traveled quite far with a few other passengers, Adel refuses to seat in his car seat. But he sits on my lap and sometimes goes sit on other people’s lap too. I don’t know what came over him but he cried non-stop. Like seriously crying and wailing his lungs out as if he had been possessed. Hubby was driving at that time and I got all panicky. Other people tried to calmed him but to no avail. Adel did not stop crying and things had gotten really serious. I lashed out at hubby. I needed help. But he was silent throughout the ordeal.

I carried Adel and pat him on my shoulder. He would stop crying for 5 seconds or so and continued wailing non-stop. Hubby pulled over, stopped the car and brought Adel outside the car. He stopped crying. We decided to change his diaper and gave him a teaspoon of gripe water because we felt that he was having an upset tummy. Other people interjected saying that he does not want to be strapped in his car seat. And he’s going nuts because he was restricted to the confines of his car seat. I argued saying that he was not in his car seat when it happened and he was perfectly OK when we went back to my dad’s hometown. Then those people interjected again saying that during that time, Adel was still little and does not know the meaning of restriction. I went livid. I held my tongue. If I had it my way I would have gone ballistic and shot them with my uncultured and uncivilized mouth. Out of respect I held back and I even held my tears. Hubby did not defend me.

After giving Adel some gripe water, he looked OK and we hit the road again. This time, hubby sat with me at the back just in case Adel went bananas again. He was alright and fell asleep. I placed him in his car seat immediately after he dozed off. He had a good one hour plus nap. When we finally reached another stop, Adel woke up and was a tad bit cranky but he’s always like that when he wakes up from a nap. When other people asked how he was in the car, I said he was OK and the crying fiesta he had earlier was attributed to the upset tummy. Clearly he settled down after a dose of gripe water. Maybe he did go berserk because he was restricted but that was not the main reason why it happened. I know that. Because I am his MOTHER.   

Another reason why I’ve been feeling awful lately is because it has only made known to me that Adel has been eating other foodstuffs without my knowledge. I am very careful and selective when it comes to feeding Adel. I do a lot of research on how and what can a baby eat when they are at a certain stage of life. Maybe I’m a control freak but wouldn’t you if you’re a first time mother? Adel has been getting this annoying bumpy rash on his body. It puzzled me as to what has caused him to have those rashes. Because I thought I knew what he has been eating. I’d usually tell that person on what to feed Adel with. Only a couple of days back I came to know that Adel has been eating Gardenia bread dunk in milk. I, again, went livid. But I said nothing. I don’t care what you dunk the stupid bread in! He is my child. You should ask me what he can or cannot eat. Maybe it is edible for his age but we don’t know if it can cause him to have allergic reactions to it. It irritates the hell out of me. I involuntarily put my trust in you to care for my baby and you do this behind my back. I told hubby about this and he confirmed that he knows Adel has been eating bread. So, you and this other person know about this and dare not ask me whether it’s OK? Need I repeat myself? I am his MOTHER. Hence, I have all the flippin’ right in the world to know about this and all other things associated with Adel.

Their ignorant or plain stupid attitude has taken a toll on my life and my marriage. I felt disregarded, humiliated, useless and pathetic. I have been crying for days. It’s affecting me a lot. To some, maybe I’m overreacting. I concede. But I have all the right in the world to overreact. I have earned those rights. Because I am his MOTHER.