Ngeee

I'm still around :p.

Busy sangatlaa. Sangat busy. Ooooo...did I mentioned I was busy?!

Work has been tremendously overwhelming but I enjoyed every moment of it. I know. I am a freak of nature. Did fess up to my boss about this unexpected work load but the boss thinks that I complaint too much and that I am not grateful. I hate to say this. But it's true. He said that people give me work (a lot of it) because they trust me. And I should not complaint because this will dilute the trust. So true. So I had to fix my attitude. So now when people throw me things, I only smile and do the work patiently. Because I know, I always gain some valuable experience out of this and it's always good to learn. Hence, I've stopped complaining about work save for the busy part.

We celebrated Adel's birthday a couple of weeks ago. I was excited. As always. Remember Adel's birthday cake which I planned and ordered ages ago? The cake crumbled and collapsed as soon as I arrived home. It was painful. Although it tasted super good because it was peanut-butter and jelly, I had to find a new cake pronto. We went to Bisou, KLCC to acquire a new birthday cake. It was nowhere as perfect or tasty as the one that crumbled. But we just had to settle for it.

Our place was small so everyone cramped in the apartment. I kinda felt sorry to those who came. There weren't enough seating to the extend that people had to sit on the floor. We served penne arabiatta, sheperd's pie, bihun goreng, salad, chicken sandwiches, pavlova, brownies, oreo cheese cupcakes and some other goodies. The event was overall OK and I think Adel enjoyed himself. Despite not having time to sleep during daytime, Adel managed to entertained his guests at night with his antics. Love him. Love him to bits. We had customized jars with jelly drops, ADEL cookies and cupcakes for the adult's door-gifts and we gave alphabet books to babies. I've uploaded pics on my fb btw.

Can't believe my baby is 1. He has grown so big and naughty. He jumps a lot. Runs a lot. Cries when I say "No". But even that, he still manages to melt my heart. Love kissing his neck every morning sebab sangat masam! Oooh Adel..what do I do without you? Seriously.

Hubby pon busy jugak sekarang. He's always off to Kemaman and Lumut every week. It's a pain in the ass really. Not having to see him and having to do everything myself. I do appreciate the bonding time spent with Adel but I still need support. I need hubby around. I cannot do this by myself. I hope YOU are reading this. Although the pay is good and all, is it really worth it?

Oooo..new development, the landlord text hubby yesterday morning. He wants us to move out in 2 months time. WTH. We've done so much to the place and now we have to move out. Apparently the landlord's son wants to move in after getting married. In the meantime, we nomads must find us a new place. I don't mind moving but it's just exhausting, kan? What more since we've done so much to the place. Bloody annoying I tell you. The rent in that area is also mind-blowing. Bloody expensive. How-la? 

Went out last Thursday night to a dinner party with UIA friends to celebrate Shuey! Because she's getting married like next week. I ordered some exquisite cupcakes with "boobies" and "birds" as the main feature. I think it was funny but some did find it repulsive. Ada aku kesah? Hehe. But we had a good time that night and I've missed a lot of friends gatherings so was very thankful for this gathering. To Shuey, many congratulations! No advises, sorry. Because I'm still figuring out my own marriage :p  

So this is what happened to Adel, hubby and I for the past couple of days. You can sense from this post that I am far from thrilled about life at this moment in time :(.

*sigh*

Cuhrazee

I've been unfaithful to my blog. LOL! I just felt like typing that!

Oklah, I've been super busy. So what's new kan? What more with hubby's new work which requires him to travel a lot, I have a lot on my plate now. It's like I'm biting more than I can chew.

My little champ's birthday is like NEXT WEEK. I am super excited. He's finally one! I had a fantastic time with Adel during hubby's absence. It's like I really bonded with him. He'd lepak next to me when we watch the telly, play around the kitchen area while I cook, nod when asked "Nak shushu tak?", nestled around my neck when dozing off - he's just super cute! We have also started brushing his teeth! Yang, at current, ada tujuh batang tuh! It all started on one fine morning when I was bathing him. We would normally chat on how warm he'd like his bath to be, sekali tuh, when he opened his mouth, it smelled funny and err..stinky! I immediately told hubby and we bought him his very first Oral-B toothbrush and Kodomo Lion apple toothpaste. Aiyoo, anak bujang aku sorang nih!

His party is well on it's way. My sister is helping a lot especially for decorations. The menu should be sorted out soon. The invites was just sent out just now via sms. It's a small party which will be celebrated with close friends and relatives. Am not expecting a lot of guests. Maybe 20 plus-ish. And the apartment is small and cramped, it cannot accommodate huge crowds. So takpelah, nanti dia kawen, I'll try to make the event bigger than mine, LOL!

Little Old Me

I am apologetically down with fever and flu today. Actually,since yesterday but I braved the office for not wanting to miss my outgoing boss' farewell lunch. But this bravery has taken it's toll. I needed a complete rest. So I spent the whole day at home, alone, going off to the clinic, sleeping and eating. It did me some good. Hubby sent Adel to my sisters' in Cheras. Felt a little guilty about sending him there when I could've taken care of him myself but I needed my rest badly. I also, weirdly enough, missed the office and all its busy-ness. But am now dreading the thought of going there tomorrow because I know there's a gazillion of stuff to be done *hangs head*.

Anyhoo, was in PD for the weekend with hubby's office mates. I think PD is overrated. Period. It's starting to get to me. It's so crowded and homogenized. Maybe because it's near to KL so people thinks it's convenient to go for holidays there. Hubby's office mates however were a bunch of happy-go-lucky doers, lol! Had a great time there and there were plenty of food. But I had already been feeling under the weather then so despite the excitement of seeing all the magnificent food, I actually nibbled rather than the customary face stuffing.

Adel is clear from roseola and he is seriously re-charged after all those medical episodes. He is so so so lasak and hyperactive! He never fails to amaze me, which is good but I can no longer keep up with him. He does everything in split seconds! I'm just exhausted thinking about him now, lol! In 2 days time he'll turn 10 months and that's 2 months shy from his first birthday!! Must resume with his birthday plans. I've left that idle for too long now. The only development I have now is the venue. Well, not development per se because we're still thinking of whether to have it at the pool house or cramped in our sardine packed apartment. Both has its pros and cons. But am only expecting 40 guests exclusive of kids. Hmmmmm...what do you think? 

2 weeks shy from 2011. I hate the fact that there aren't many public holidays this month as opposed to December last year. Grrrrrr...more time in the office which is so not good for little old me. But am looking forward to 1 January 2011 though! Going off to Melaka for dinner at Umbai with my daddy and dearest sister and BIL. Am especially looking forward to sotong goreng tepung, lol! Also, a huge commitment beckons me in 2011! I'll keep this as a secret for the time being. And no, not talking about promotion though it wouldn't hurt to have good bonuses and increment too. After all, the No. 1 did say that he is happy with my progress and my work *gloats in a bubble*.

Alright, must call it a day now. Need some sleep for tomorrow will be another long day...at the office *slaps head*.

Night!

If I had known better,...

I just woke up like 10 minutes ago. Courtesy of Adel, of course. Hubby ended up sleeping in the living room with the new tv. Yes, he finally bought one. I was super relieved to have it all over and done with. I can no longer pretend to be interested in tvs and all its magnificent electronic hoo-haas. For I cannot tell any difference between a Sony or a Samsung, I mean, it's just different by name je kan? Butttttttt I did get to gobble on yet another slice of the yummylicious red velvet cake from Bijoux or Bisou and I gladly washed it down with a can of ice cold Coke. Second time in this month and nope, not helping at all!

Anyhoo, was tossing and turning after having my sleep disrupted by Adel. Hubby finally came in but I was suddenly wide awake and had the sudden urge to eat nasi padang. I had to divert this urge of mine into something else, so that pretty much explains why am blogging now.

I thought to myself, what I would've done if  had known better. And I manage to make a list of that:

1. I would have waited a couple of more years before getting hitched - I dated hubby for 7 years. I thought I knew him inside out. But marrying him was like discovering a new side of him altogether. It's like he's a stranger to me. But I learn to accept this along the way. And marriage just takes a big part of you away. It definitely changes you. It takes so much of your time, money, effort and  emotions that you begin to question yourself, is this all worth it? If I had known better, I would have waited. I know when getting myself into this that marriage was a big serious thing and there's more to it than just the cliche "I want to spend the rest of my life with you", but I didn't expect it to be a LOT more that what I have initially thought. It's draining. I would have waited for many reasons, financially, emotionally and stability to name a few. But it did happened. I am married. Do I have any regrets? No. But maybe if I had known better and could have waited a little, I might be able to handle all THIS with dignity and patience. But I get it at times, what doesn't break you makes you stronger and am learning all this with time. And I did gained something beautiful out of this (no, not weight gain), an adorable son whom I cannot get enough of. So there is a hikmah behind all this and I pray to Allah that he guides me along the way.
2. I would not have lived with PIL after marriage - I understand now that even if you've dated someone for several years, going out with him and marrying him is two totally separate things. So you definitely need time to get the feel and accustomed to that person when sharing the same bed and living in the same house. I wish I could have done that in solitude. I need to know him on my own timing. I need to know and assume my responsibilities as a wife on my own timing and preferably in a situation when there's only me and him. My PIL did not interfere with my marriage but their presence made it hard for me to understand the union of me and him. I guess you could say I was shocked and I was definitely overwhelmed. What more with the fact that I was immediately pregnant after just tying the knot. So I guess if I had known better, I'd like to be in a position where there is only me and him and not the rest of the world. Because we need time to work and build on 'us' which I did not get the chance of doing then and am struggling to live my life as a wife and mother now.
3. I would not have stayed with PIL during confinement - I learned that even if you're close or OK with them before marriage and during pregnancy, confinement can put you in a different ball game altogether. I made the mistake of going back to them during my third week of confinement. It broke me. You become very vulnerable and sensitive during confinement. Maybe more in my case because I felt uber sad that mummy was not there with me when I delivered my boy and is not here to be a part of his life. It affected me a lot. So much so that I think I became a different person. I was very sensitive. Confinement with Aunty Alang was good. She took care of me and I had a great time with her because she's my relative and I get to bond with my cousins which did not happen before this. So I felt close to them. Moving to my PIL on the third week was just the straw that broke the camel's back.  I felt lonely and very insecure of everything. It doesn't help also that they their own style of taking care a mother and newborn during confinement was totally different to the style that I had been adapting with Aunty Alang. Every thing became an issue. I cried every 5 minutes to the extent that my OB advised hubby to bring me back to Aunty Alang because I was depressed. It did caused a riff in my marriage and my relationship with PIL. The damage has been done. Was I sorry for the way I acted out? Not entirely. Because no one understood what I was facing and dealing with. No mother, just delivered a baby, hubby did not stay with me during confinement, you do the maths.
4. I would have told mummy so many things about me - But I didn't and she left too soon. I love her with all my life. It breaks me not having the chance to say all that I wanted to say. She's an inspiration to me. She was a very strong women but she was unlucky in love. I have so many things to tell her. But because of a certain crises that had happened to us, I became distant from her. I regret that the most. I was driven by my ego, granted I was a teenager back then, so I was fueling with hate. If I had known that she'd be leaving us, I would have made the effort to rehabilitate our relationship. But it's too late and it didn't happen. I did get to say "I love you" to her before she left for the OT and that was the only time we saw her conscious, to which she replied in a broken voice, "I love you too". And that still lingers on my mind until now. 
5. I would have accepted the post at Petronas - I am now a lawyer and I deal with Islamic banking and finance matters. I like my line of work but with all the commotion and uncertainties revolving my department, it got me thinking and saying, "Mesti senang hidup if accept kerja kat Petronas haritu". I know mummy wanted me to take up the offer but I was arrogant and adamant and I insisted that Islamic banking was my passion. I'm entering into my third year of practice and I feel that I need to move on. So if I had known about my boss leaving and all the nonsense that has been happening recently, it made me feel that it's better for me to be in a secure environment. And that could've been Petronas. But back then, the pay was so low and that was what enticed me to practice. Tamak kan?
6. I would have breastfed Adel exclusively - but I didn't and it wasn't because I didn't want to but it was because I can't. Adel won't latche so I had to express my milk for fear of engorged breasts. But if you don't breastfeed directly, you'd be well dried out even during confinement. And that is what happened to me. I learned that if you breastfeed, you can lose weight easily. I'm heading no where in that department. I'm still fat, fat and fat. My sister calls me garfield because she says I'm fat and cute *sigh*. My weight is my biggest issue to date. I used to work out at the gym religiously and I lost a lost of weight. I was never a skinny girl. I think I was plum and fat all my life but this time around it's a lot more worst because I still have my pregnancy fat on top of my existing body fat. Hubby thinks I only need to tone up and I don't know which planet he is living in. Because at this rate, it takes more than toning up. I need to put my face on someone else's body! So yeah, if I had known, I would have consulted the experts on breastfeeding.

I can't think of anything more to add in the list above. I think I've written down the important ones. If you're reading this, take it with a pinch of salt. The above are life's truths. It happened to me. And look how I turn out ;p 

Busy Busy Bumblebee

I've not been updating this space regularly. I've been swamped with work, work and work. I've been terribly busy. I even feel like a bad mother and wife at times. I've not been cooking proper home meals save for the last couple of days when I did mac and cheese and beef stew. I did however manage to take leave on Monday so technically I have 4 days of leisure with Adel. The best 4 days ever, mind you! The third day got me smelling like poo because Adel made poo in the car and because I carried him around, I too smelled like poo. Gross? Yes, but that's just a fraction of what you get in being a mother. We went to Sunway Lagoon on Sunday to celebrate Sheena's birthday but with no birthday cake in sight, lol! Since I do have some unfinished matters to attend to now, please scroll down  for pictures instead!

Adel with his "I want my mummy!" look

Adel and daddy

papa ngah, mama ngah and mak na

enjoying his banana muffin on papa ngah's lap

Lily Syahirah - the birthday girl :)

Almost!

Almost done with the second piece of work. Hopefully I can get an extension for the third piece. Since I'm almost done, I thought I'd reward my self with some blogging, lol!

Am not blogging much, just to say that I'm "almost" done with me work :)

Suddenly I remembered that song from Brandy entitled "Almost doesn't count".

Sheesh.

S.O.S.

messy

OMG!! It's already Wednesday! I have 3 things to submit by the end of the week and I've only completed one *sigh*. Tell me how I'm supposed to write a chapter on the historical development of Islamic banking, answer a string of questions on sukuk issuance in and outside Malaysia and translate hire purchase documentation, all at the same time? Clueless? Me? Definitely! 

"I love my job, I love my job" *hyperventilating*.

Please send help! *gulp*.

Sent from my iPhone

Another one bites the dust

We all gathered in his room exactly at 4.02pm.

He has decided and he told us of his decision.

He is leaving.

We were all shocked and some even shed tears.

I was sad but I think I was more disappointed than sad.

*sigh*