i feel like...

CRAP

i just want you to know...

that even if i act all bossy and stressed out at home, i still love you.

that even when i say the harshest words, i don't really mean it and ooh..i still do love you.

i know i've been ungrateful and i whine quite a lot but that doesn't mean that i don't love you.

i am very proud to have you as my husband and i look forward to having more babies with you in the future. provided that adel is ok with it!

MIA

this week has been rather hard on me. hubby's off to Paka for the entire week. adel and I were left to fend for our own selves. work has been more than hectic due to tight deadlines. but i did not really commit myself to work. i'd leave the office around 8pm. that's considered late in this present situation. i'd feel guilty for being late. late in fetching adel up from MIL. i feel like a bad mother. and i also feel guilty for ditching work early and leaving my colleague in despair. uggghh. i dunno, i think without hubby, i am almost paralyzed. i don't have any support. not that i rely on him all of the time but it's just times like this where i really really have to work, he's just, well...missing.

moving on

so we've moved out from the old apartment into this flat. it's super small. the moving part was excruciating. not for me but for hubby and others who helped us in the process. i didn't realized i had so much stuff until we moved out. but i am not by any means, a hoarder. i just have lots of plates, pots and pans and clothes. oooh...and furniture pieces. all were bought to facilitate the old apartment. but in this small flat of ours that we involuntary call home (hopefully, just for a year) all those good things will not be put to good use. simply because there's no space. we are definitely saving up to buy us a house. insyaAllah it will happen next year. either under construction or sub-sale, we have to move out. my head cannot work in such small space. i'm even going on a cooking strike. i will not cook for a year. it's not that i don't like the kitchen. it's just that i don't feel safe cooking (or eating for that matter!) there because it's small and old and smelly.

adel has been sick for the past few days which made me worried sick. i think it all stems out from the whole moving in and moving out drama. kesian dia. he was shivering and all. vomited a lot and even pooped blood. doc said it was nothing but high fever. of course tak puas hati. takkan he had all that because of high fever. apparently the antibiotics had caused him to poop blood. with his temperature rising and stuff, the flat pulak sangat2 panas. not helping in adel's recovery at all. and adel was exceptionally clingy. sbb demam kot. nak pegi mane semua kena angkut dia. haiyooo. had to take EL yesterday because of the little guy. poor thing. kesian tengok dia. alhamdulillah, the fever has subsided a bit. takut ok bila anak sakit! nampak sangat tak pandai jaga!

so moving on, we are trying our level best to be patient and hope for the best to come. even though duit byk abes bulan ni sbb pindah, maxis bill melambung, credit card exceed max..ape lagi. semua benda tak bestlah nak jadi bulan ni..mintak2 dimurahkan rezeki lagi, ameen!